EBD or just BAD

EBD stands for emotional behavior disorder. When I was teaching I often had students who we (my peers and I) would joke about not being EBD just plain out BAD.

Well, here I am with my own little spawn and I am wondering the same about him. Does he have a real medical reason for his behaviors or is he just spoiled and being naughty?

He is six years old and was born 10 weeks early. He has experienced major developmental delays in all areas except cognitive. In fact, he is actually advance cognitively. He understands and uses sarcasm; a trait I actually like.

He has caught up in most areas developmentally. He does still have speech issues but even that isn't very bad. However, he is immature. Notably when compared to other children his age.

We have been having behavior issues with him at school the whole time. Him name calling, having a hard time controlling his emotions, not wanting to stay on task, talking back, and sometimes still having two year old tantrums.

This year at his old school there had been a huge improvement. He was still getting into trouble but nothing major. His first three weeks at this new school he has just started was going good too. Until... Yeah, well, this week has been different. He has been in trouble everyday. At home he has started hurting our dogs. He has been caught twisting their ears until they cry. Today he ended up in in-school suspension for hitting a little girl. His new principal was quick to tell me I needed to take him to the doctor.

I had already asked two weeks ago to have the school social worker meet with him and see about getting him into a peer relations group. I have left messages with the school social worker but haven't heard back from her.

I made an appointment with his peds doctor for in the morning. I'm not sure what good he can do but to help direct me to a psychiatrist or psychologist. I've put in tons of calls today in our new city to try and make an appointment with one but no one returned my call and I wasn't ever able to talk to a real person.

I'm very torn with what we should do with my son. When his behavior was just annoying I felt like we could hold out and see if he would grow out of it. Mature some and that would take care of most of it. Him becoming physical is something new. I can't allow that to linger.

So what have I done to help at home and at school? Everyday he doesn't get into trouble at school I give him a treat. It may be an ice cream sandwich or a small toy. When he does get into trouble he doesn't get to play with the neighbors (which now he doesn't have any to play with) and he doesn't get to watch cartoons. If he is in trouble several times in a row we take away favorite toys (his bike, v-smile, remote control car...). When he goes all week without getting into trouble we do something special over the weekend. When he goes a month doing good we do something super special. This past weekend we took him to a family fun center where he was able to play arcade games, ride a tilt-a-whirl, and ride go carts. We have been using this system for over a year now and yes we are consistent with it. At his old school he got a daily sheet where the teacher would put a green (good), yellow (warning), and red (trouble).

Last year I had the teacher using mini charts and stickers to break down his day into four sections. For each section of the day he was good he got a sticker. At the end of the day he would get to draw out coupons to be given to me at home. The coupons were for reading with mom or dad, ice cream, extra cartoon time, small toy, Happy Meal, and game with mom or dad. He responded well to this system. We weren't using at the first of this year because he wasn't needing it. I suggested we try it now to his new teacher today and she didn't want to.

She wants to use some form of positive reinforcement where she gives him a penny for good behaviors. I'm assuming that after so many pennies he can trade them in for a treat in the class.

Here what gets me... Yesterday when I had to go in and talk to the teacher about my son holding up his fist to a child like he was going to hit her the teacher bent down and told my crying child that it was okay he wasn't in trouble. Well, sorry lady but he is in trouble with his dad and I. He gets told yesterday that he isn't in trouble for threatening to hit but today gets suspended for hitting. Not a very clear message being given.

Today when I talked to the teacher about what had happened she informed me that most of his issues have been when they were in the hallway or at the bathroom. I suggested that she pull him out of line and make him walk with her or if she liked I'd be more than happy to come and sit with him all day. I also told her that I know he is board with the work. It is too easy for him and he's having to do the same work he was doing last year. The teacher told me that the school district requires all students regardless of level to do the same work but that she has been letting him check out library books that are more advance.

It doesn't take my education degree or teaching experience for anyone to know that board kids will get into trouble. *Excuse me while I beat my head against the wall.

Does my child actually have a medical issue? He is very hyper. He does have a hard time controlling his emotions but he can do it. He is quick to anger. He is immature. He does yell and talk back. He does not like to be told what to do. He doesn't like to do work that is a challenge.

Should I just pull my child out of this school and teach him at home? I am qualified and could advance him greatly. However, he would have even more limited peer interaction which would hamper his growth in that area. Could I set up enough play dates and meetings with other home-schoolers to provide him with those social skills? I tend to think not.

He is an only child and has been spoiled. We are consistent in our parenting and expectations of him. He has just made a major move to a new city and school and we also now have my sister and adult nephew living with us. His father and I get along well and show each other and him affection. He gets several hours of our attention each school night. Tons of attention on the weekend. Most of the time I'm the one giving the attention but isn't that how it is in most families all over the world for all of history?

So what should I do? Medication, therapy, home school, or just bury my head in the sand....