The Big Talk...

     Sunday afternoon I ended up having my husband ask me what was on my mind and if I was mad with him. It seems I had been avoiding him all day. I’m usually very affectionate and hadn‘t touched him once all day.
     I tried to avoid telling him what was on my mind. I mean how do you explain to someone that you are feeling completely sexually ignored and considering seeking release somewhere else? Yeah, never an easy conversation.
     He wouldn’t let it go and ended up getting me to talk. Once I got started I let it all out. How I have felt like my needs and satisfaction in the bedroom have been put on the back burner for the past seven years. I even explained to him how I was starting to visually check out other men. How I felt like one of the reasons I haven’t tried harder to slim down is so that it would keep myself less attractive and thus less likely for me to hook up with someone else. Yeah, some big revelations.
     He first responded with the normal reply about how stressed out he has been. My come back, “You haven’t been stressed for seven years.” He then started up with how he knows he needs to go to the doctor and get checked out that his drive and stamina isn’t normal. I tried pushing him to go see a doctor five years ago. He didn’t want to which to me made me feel like I wasn’t important enough to him.
     I went on explaining how most of the time I feel like he should take care of me first then get his own. Foreplay goes a long way with me. With good foreplay I can have an orgasm within the first few strokes. It would also be nice to have him use my toys on me before we ever get started. He tried to explain himself and his lack of help in this area to be due to not being able to keep himself hard very long once he first gets hard. I didn’t and don’t buy that. He then explained it is because he knows he won’t last once he gets inside of me if he has been getting so excited before hand. Basically I told him I think all his explanations are bull and he is just lazy.
     We ended the conversation with him making all kinds of grand promises. How he is going to be a more thoughtful lover. How he is going to put more time into me. How he is going to go to the doctor and get checked out. Words…They are all just words until I see them in action.
     I made myself very clear that after all of these years I’m tired of his talk. I’m tired of being in a constant state of “horny-ness“. School is almost out for the summer which means that I won’t even have the daytime alone so that I can masturbate. I actually told him that he either makes some real efforts to correct the issues or I’m going to find someone who can take care of them for me. Cold and bitchy but I’ve tried to be nice and comforting for seven years. How fucking long would you last?
     I made it clear that I still loved him and still wanted him. He knows how sexy I find him. He’s a little over six feet tall. Has a permanent tan due to being half Asian. Lean build with sexy biker legs. He has the stereotypical thick, straight, black Asian hair that shows off his youthful face. He looks at least ten years younger than his real age. Thick full kissable lips. When he is dressed nicely and clean shaven he still has lots of women check him out and many that openly flirt. Yeah, I find him delicious. Which makes it even harder for me to always be around him and not have him sexually the way I’d like to.
     Since our talk he has tried rubbing on me twice. I played asleep both times. I’m scared of what would happen and more of what wouldn’t happen. I need a few days to get my head clear before I let him that close to me again. I think I’d really like for him to tell me he made himself an appointment to see a doctor. I believe that if I let him have sex with me now when he is more out to be eager to please me he will talk himself out of going and things will never change.
     So where do I stand? He needs to take himself to the doctor and find out why his sex drive and stamina is so low. If there is a medical reason that can be treated then get treated. If there is a medical reason that can’t be treated, well, damn, I’ll just live with it and make him more involved with helping me masturbate. If there isn’t a physical reason the doctor can find then we have some bigger issues that will have to be dealt with. If he doesn’t go to a doctor then I’m going to take it that I’m not as important to him as he says and I’m going to be on the lookout for a boy toy.
     I know me; once I reach the point where I actively search for a real life toy I will turn cold toward him and want to leave him. I really don’t want to reach that point. I know I won’t be any happier alone but how would I be able to stay married while sleeping with someone else? See, I do have a few morals left.
     How long do I give him? I’m thinking two weeks to make an appointment. Not sure when I’ll be willing to let him try having sex with me. If I keep avoiding his attempts he will just stop trying. So, I better get over myself fast.