The Music Got Me Thinking...

I spent some time this evening researching some lyrics and videos for one of my friends. Isn't it funny how a song can stir up so many memories and emotions. Here are a few that caught my attention: Rick Astley — Never Gonna Give You Up. Yes, this dates me doesn't it! I read the lyrics and was instantly taken back to the Walmart parking lot of my hometown. Sitting in the center of a pick-up truck. My high school sweet heart on my left and his good friend and relative on my right. My high school sweet heart was tearing the wrapper off the tape he had just bought. Young, innocent, first love... Nothing better. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HrSN7176XI Bryan Adams – Run To You. I remember my best friend and boyfriend joking about how much they both liked this song. I was just too stupid and blind to understand their real reason why. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF5LaVkDhyk Dead or Alive - You Spin Me Right Round. LOL, My cousin and best friend as a child dancing in our grandmother's house pretending to be "grown." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCiVXigrjjQ Phil Collins - Against All Odds. Early teens spending a few days with a much older cousin at her college dorm. She took me to see the movie. My first "R" rated film. It was at a place where they served food and beer. Best of all, I got to partake in both! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nANmPPmfn_M Alanis Morissette - You Oughta Know. Hearing the start of the song and screaming. Jumping on the dance floor with my BFF (Sane)and dancing our arses off as we shouted the lyrics. Our own little moment of saying "Fuck You" to all the boys that had done us wrong. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dR6mEu5-egA Melissa Etheridge - Like The Way I Do. One of my all time favorite songs. I still rock out to this cd when I'm in the car alone. First time I heard it was in my favorite gay dance club in the "big city." I was going through a difficult time and this song fit my emotions perfectly. Melissa Etheridge - Bring Me Some Water. Koko Taylor also does a cool version of it. How many nights have I felt this way... countless. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rZean7bjzY

Breathing

I'm still breathing... Have tried hard to refocus myself the past few months. I've been a good girl lately and have had very few moments of weakness. I haven't acted on any of my normal impulses. We are currently getting ready to make a major move up north. We weren't ready to move seeing how we had just bought a new home. However, we are sooooo excited to get the fuck out of this tiny backwoods deep south town! Best of all, we will be moving to a major central US city. My son is ready to leave this town too. He can't wait to see snow this winter. He is six years old and has never seen snow. I'm looking forward to helping him make his first snowman. My main concern about moving so far from our home state was being so far from my sister. However, things have changed in her life too and she has decided to move with us. Wow, I we will be able to have a baby sitter!!! We haven't had one of those in three years! Husband is in the new city now getting some prep work done. He keeps telling me about all the fun things we can do when we get there. I'm really hoping that being in a city and having a baby sitter might help give our relationship that spark we so desperately need. I'm trying to stay positive... Wish me luck!

Needed: One Smart Funny Man...

My best friend is single and in her mid thirties. She has been ready to settle down for a few years now but hasn’t been able to find the right person. In fact, she can’t find a sane man out there. All of the men she meets seem to be nice and normal at first. They always let her down. Large majorities want to get into her pants and will stay around being Mr. Wonderful until she does sleep with them. Once she starts to let her walls down they end up backing away. The keep wanting to come back for more sex but they don’t want the relationship. Is it that the men who are single in this age group are either jaded or just all jerks? Where are the decent men? I just don’t get it. She is smart, attractive, has a good job, well educated, caring, responsible, funny, owns her home and car, and is just an all around great person. Is she too smart for the guys? Is she too independent for most men? Is her humor to dry and dark for many? She does have high standards and I’m sure that has limited her options. But, should she settle for just any person when she lives by those same standards. No, she wouldn’t be happy with just a warm body. She needs a man that can match her mentally. One who can relate to her emotional struggles. One who sets his own high standards and lives by them. Someone who can take care of himself, goes to work everyday, and who wants to come home every night. She is most attracted to black men who are well educated; but she doesn’t limit herself to just one race. Education is a big deal to her. Even that she is willing to have some leniency on if the individual is intelligent and has used his intelligence to better himself. She can’t stand to see someone who is smart but refuses to use it to his advantage. Someone who is content to work a ten dollar an hour job and just get by in life. She can’t stand the man who has three phone numbers just so he can keep his gaggle of woman straight. She can’t stand the man who wants to consume her every waking moment. She has lived alone for a long time and has to have some of that personal space just as she needs air to breathe. Are those things so wrong? Are there really just not any men left that meet those standards? I just can’t believe it. There has to be a guy out there that would fit her perfectly. But where the hell is he? If you see him send him this way and I’ll pass him on to her (of course, after I run a battery of test on him).

Missing Post...

A detailed person (or one just obsessed with my sexual writings) might notice that I have deleted a few of my post. It was done for the protection of some of the characters in my stories. I would hate for any of their egos to burst. I guess I should write with more ambiguity…

Subway Rage!?

I picked my boy up from school this afternoon. He had finally stayed on green today. I did the best happy dance possible being inside my car. My son wanted to go to Burger King for his special treat. He wanted a Kraft Mac & Cheese kids meal. Okay, I paid about four bucks for a tiny cup of mac & cheese, a few fries, and a mini drink. Oh, and the toy (the only reason for getting the meal anyway). It was worth every cent if it will keep the little devil behaving well in school. If he was going to eat I figured I might as well get something for Dad and I. I went to the local Subway. My mate wouldn’t be home for two hours and this would keep well. I pulled into the drive-thru and I’m the only car. There is only one car parked by the door. Cool, not busy so this will be fast. I placed my order and waited, nothing. I called my vet to have one of my dog’s med’s refilled. I called my mate to ask him to stop and pick it up on his way home. Still nothing. I waited and waited. No one had even come to take my money. I kept seeing the young ladies chatting. Okay, young girls no big deal. I waited longer. I had only ordered two cold cuts, nothing fancy-dancy. When fifteen minutes had came and gone and no one had even bothered to take my money I figured they must had forgotten about me. I drove off and went to the Wal-Mart across the street. I saw in the rear view mirror a lady shaking her hands in the air at the take out window. Oh, well, too late now… I parked and was about to walk into the Wal-Mart. Here comes a car and pulls up beside my son and I with the angry clerk from the Subway. She says, “You want your foot-longs or not?” Uh, I drove off what do you think. “No, I drove away for a reason, if I hadn’t waited there for 15 min. I would’ve loved to have gotten my dinner.” I just smiled and kept on walking. The clerk took off quickly. Whatthefuck!!!! I went on in and took care of my shopping. I thought about the incident the entire time. This chick had to grab her keys, walk to the front of the store, leave the store, and walk around to the back to get into her car then track my car down in the Wal-Mart parking lot. It doesn’t fit under road rage what is it a special Subway clerk rage? I had my mate call the store to get the owners name or a manager. They wouldn’t give any phone numbers out. I called one of the subways in a nearby town (owned by the same person) and left my name and number. A general manager quickly returned my call. I explained the incident to him and he was speechless. He said he was going to immediately call his boss. I haven’t heard anything back. Who knows if anything will be done or not. I guess I won’t be having Subway anytime soon. I hope no one pisses that clerk off; she might just pull out an AK47 and shoot the place up! Didn’t know it was now in fashion to have clerk rage.

Liar-Liar Pants on Fire…

My son has been at his new school for four days. On the first day he was on red (naughty). Monday he was on yellow (warning). Tuesday he was on red again. I’ve just received the call that he is yes, once more on red! I’m very upset with him. I expect more from him. He is bright and knows how to behave when he wishes to. Each day we talk to him about his behavior. Monday I took him for an ice cream cone for his improved behavior. Yesterday he knew he had a new toy waiting on him if he was on green. He told me right away that he had gotten into trouble and was on red. He didn’t receive his new toy, lost his cartoon time, and wasn’t allowed to play with any of his toys until just before bedtime. Dad and I both talked to him long and hard about what we expect from him and how we know he can be well behaved. Per our conversation yesterday, he will now have all of his toys taken away until he can come home two days in a row on green. He will also do without his cartoon time. I’m sure a lot of crying and such will occur when he realizes how real it is. I just don’t get it. We follow through with our threats; meaning we do what we say we will do. We give him lots of positive reinforcement. Our expectations remain the same. Why doesn’t he respond to the normal tools? I’m beginning to wonder if he has impulse control issues. His teachers say/have said that it is just normal little boy (especially only child) behavior. I don’t want my child to be one of those little darlings that I always wanted to hang by their toenails in my classroom. When I moved him to this new school the principal asked me if he had any behavior issues. I told her no just the normal little boy attention seeking behaviors. I now feel like such a big liar. Here I have gone and had this nice principal and sweet teacher infected by my little annoyance maker. So what does he do that’s so bad? Nothing serious but the collection of little things is what gets on people’s nerve and they aren’t appropriate for a classroom. Today it was sticking his tongue out and pinching a little boy. Yesterday it was spinning like a top in the floor and making rude noises. Some other things would include: stepping on someone’s foot in line, being too loud in the lunch room, acting like he is going to put a bugger on someone, farting on someone, throwing a rock when playing outside, and running in the hallway. They are all little things and none of them mean that he will turn into a murderer or bank robber. We don’t play like that at home and we don’t find humor in farts or buggers. Why in the world is it being such a big deal to correct these behaviors? Come on Sane, you are the one with the most experience with EBD’s. I’m I dealing with that here? Is there something Dad and I aren’t doing right? Sadly, I must now go and pick up all the toys and lock them away…

"Brown Skin" Kids...

Friday when I picked my son up from his first day at the new school I gave him the normal twenty questions. Did you have fun? Did you like your new teachers? Did you make any new friends? What were their names? What did you play on when you went outside? You get the idea. I had my landlord in the car with me. I had taken her into town shopping to get us both out of the house. She is a former teacher also and a grandmother so she joined in on the questions. He was full of excitement and joy about how great the new school and teachers are. Great, just what I wanted to hear. I asked how his behavior was and he just couldn’t recall that. My landlord and I looked at one another each with a big knowing smile. Sure, the kid who can remember everything else can’t remember if he got into any trouble that day. Later he did tell me that he had to sit in the sad chair twice. I confirmed it with the teacher yesterday. They were simple little boy things with him being excited and wanting all the attention. The teacher didn’t make a big deal about any of it. Once more I’m very pleased. The other old bat had a cow if he ran in the hall or decided to spin like a top when they sat on the floor. Laid-back teacher equals less stress on him and me! When we were asking him about his new friends he told me there were a lot of brown skin kids in his class and he doesn’t like brown skin. What! My jaw dropped and I looked at my landlord in repulsion. I wanted to stop the car right then and there and beat the racism out of him. I softly told my landlord that dad was going to have a cow over this one. I knew this was going to be one of those subjects that was going to take more than a quick “that’s not polite” talk. I delved into his reasoning as to why he doesn’t like brown skin kids a bit more. He said that their skin hurt when pinched. Okay, why was he pinching kids to begin with. My landlord and I both talked to him about how it didn’t matter what color of skin you have you are going to feel pain if you are pinched. I felt a little better about his comment now. Maybe it was just odd perception he has that darker skin feels more pain than pale skin. I went on to let him know that he didn’t need to be pinching anyone and not to let anyone pinch him. I mentioned it to my husband later that evening. We agreed that we had to find the right way to bring up the subject and handle it in an age appropriate way. While I was cooking dinner he was once again telling me about his day and who all he played with. He mentioned once again that he didn’t like playing with the brown skin kids. I called dad into the room this time. Dad was having a hard time keeping his cool. See, Dad is half Asian and was often teased by kids for being a “chink.” Most of the time he lived in the south during the 60’s and 70’s so there was even stronger racial tensions. Dad’s first words were, “I’ll be dame if a child of mine is going to be a bigot!” I had to calm him down and remind him that the boy is only five and that maybe we just haven’t exposed him to a variety of people. We sat him up on the kitchen counter so he was at eye level with us. This also let him know mom and dad meant for him to really pay attention. We explained that the color of one’s skin did not determine what the heart of the person is like. We went on to ask him if he liked Mr. C. at daddy’s work and Mrs. G. who was one of the teachers he loved last year. He said yes then said that the brown skin kids didn’t want to play with him. Oh, it makes since now. Unless you have taught or lived in a tight-nit southern area you might not realize how much racism there is towards Caucasians. In my first four years of teaching I taught at an inner-city school in Savannah, Georgia. It was the fist time in my life I experienced racism being directed toward me. I had student’s that called me ugly racist names and one little devil child in particular that told me his mom told him he didn’t have to listen to me I was just some rich cracker. Yeah, shows how much she knew about me. One of my closest friends at the time was my paraprofessional. The other paras would get upset with her if she spent too much time with that “white woman.” She became sick during her pregnancy and had to be admitted into the hospital for a few days. She let me watch her two older boys so that they could easily ride to and from school with me each day and it would free up their dad to stay by mom's side. Her family about died; they couldn’t believe she would let a white woman look after her kids. They just couldn’t believe that I could love her and her sons. I didn’t blame the student’s for their outlooks. It came from the culture they were being raised in. Here is what really shocked my husband and I; we weren’t raising him in a way filled with strong likes or dislikes of other ethnic groups. I guess I can take comfort in the notion that he did describe these kids as “brown.” We have tried hard to not use color in our descriptive talk of people so he wasn't familiar with "black." I guess we just haven’t exposed him to a variety of playmates of all ethnic backgrounds. I pray that what we said and how we presented it was appropriate and got through to him. How do you explain to a five year old that ones hue of skin is as generic as ones color of eyes. I spent the weekend making up stories and role-playing with him to secure the lesson. Time will only tell if it worked or not.